Yard Sale Stripper
by MadQuinn13
Summary: Ruby and Emma are forced to help sell items in Snow and Charming's yard sale. Established Red Swan


Emma didn't have a problem with yard sales, she didn't. She had nothing to sell though, but apparently that doesn't mean she isn't forced to help. Most of the stuff being sold were Mary Margret and David's, er Snow and Charming she was still getting use to the whole new names thing.

Henry was sitting outside reading one of his comics, Ruby was dressed in her usual clothes looking like she was waiting for a tan.

"Tell me again why all of us have to be here?" Emma asked sitting down next to Ruby.

"You have to help out your family, no matter how shitty their junk is." Ruby picked up a random umbrella and started twilling it. Almost right away a few young men ran up to her. "Liking what you see boys?" They all nodded and Emma didn't know if she should flip out or laugh at them. "Alright bidding start at-?" She looked at Emma who shrugged.

"Five dollars!" Emma called out watching the men fumble for their wallets. "Cash only boys! No dough, go home."

"I'll give you five!" Man 1 held up the bill.

"I got ten!" Man 2 shouted.

"Twenty!" Man 3 offered.

"Thirty!" Man 1 was back in the game.

"Thirty-Five!" Man 2 upped his bid.

"Forty!" Man 1 shouted back.

"Fifty!" Man 3 yelled.

"Seventy!" Man 4 joined in.

"Two hundred and fifty." Dr. Whale walked up and held up a wad of cash.

"Sold to the good doctor!" Ruby called ending the bidding war, unsure why anyone would pay that much for an umbrella. She climbed off the table she was on to sell the umbrella and handed the object to Whale after taking his money.

"Wait…why did you handed me the umbrella." He looked at the object in his hand in confusion.

"Because you bought it for $250." Emma explained getting up and wrapping her arms around Ruby.

"What do you think you were bidding on?" Ruby asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"He knew it was for the umbrella Rubes, no way he thought that the Sheriff was selling her girlfriend out for money and that wasn't the reason why he bided such a high amount." She stared him down waiting for him to crack.

"Of course I knew what I was paying for Sheriff; we all know what an amazing sales woman Ruby can be." He looked at the waitress and had that creepy look on his face.

"Great, enjoy your umbrella." Emma picked up a broken lap. "Here's the next item Rubes."

Ruby took it before jumping up on the table again. "Okay gentlemen I have a lamp that had a hard light and is looking forward to becoming someone's light at the end of a tunnel." She held up the clearly broken lamp. "Let's start with three dollars!"

"I got three!" Man 1 jumped up to get attention. Whale just sighed, these men were idiots.

"Five!" Man 2 bid.

"Ten!" Man 3 bid.

"Oh for the love of God." Whale's jaw dropped as Ruby somehow found a way to make a broken lap look sexy. "Fifty!"

"Sold!" Ruby tossed him the lamp and picked up a pile of clothes before walking away and winky at Emma.

"We will be back in a few minutes, go home and take come cold showers."

Snow watched her best friend walk inside with a handful of clothes.

"What is Ruby up too?" Snow asked Emma sitting down next to her.

"She has found a way to legally rob men of all their money. So far we made three hundred dollars off a broken lamp and an umbrella." Emma handed the cash over to her mother.

"Holy crap! Alright, that's fine. As long as it's legal." Snow had a feeling she wanted to see what the younger girl was up to.

Ruby came out dressed in layers of the clothes from the pile; the men didn't leave of course for fear of missing when she came back.

"Alright boys. Selling this shirt." She pointed to the one she had on top as she climbed up on the table. "I have a set number of clothes on, underneath this set number, which I will be selling all of is a skimpy bikini which is far too small to really cover anything." She started to undo the buttons on the top shirt.

"First bid starts at ten dollars!"

"I'll go twenty!"

"Thirty!"

"Forty!"

"Seventy!" Whale called out, empting his bank account at a ATM during the time it took Ruby to dress in all of it.

"Wow, she can sell anything." Snow pointed out to Emma, who was watching Ruby strip the top shirt off and throw it to Whale.

This went on to include pants which sold for one hundred dollars. Now Ruby had one pair of old boxers of Charming.

"Alright boys! Last item!"

"Fifty!"

"Sixty!"

"It's some guys underwear!" Whale yelled out, that was too creepy for him.

"But if they go, that's the end." Someone else pointed out.

"Eighty!" Ruby decided not to take a chance of someone realising how non-sexy owning Charming old boxers were.

"Sold!" Ruby took them off and tossed them to the guy who won while Snow took his money and Emma allowed Ruby to stand there in a outfit that just covered her nipples and didn't really cover anything downstairs before jumping up on the table with her and blocking the view, taking off her jacket and wrapping it around her.

"Okay, we helped. Possibly scared some kids for life, and made a shit load of money. We are going home, you are not changing and we are not leaving the bedroom unless someone we know or care about is dying." Emma carried Ruby off the table and all but ran back to the apartment.


End file.
